TEACHERS TALKING
Talk 3 – Companions for the Journey
A number of years ago I was speaking to a Year 10 student and in the course of the conversation, he told me proudly that he had three thousand friends on Facebook. My response was to say that I have had the same closest friend for over 30 years. He just stared at me, almost dumbfounded, as in that moment, we were sharing very different views of what constitutes true friendship.
For the ancients, friendship was seen as essential to the joy of life. “No‑one would choose to live without friends”, Aristotle wrote, “even if he had all other goods.” [1] William Wilberforce (1759 – 1833) was the British Parliamentarian whom God called to lead a movement that abolished slavery in England. But what is not known as well, were the companions who shared this journey to fulfil his life’s mission, through great hardship over the long haul. He was surrounded by a group of companions known as the ‘Clapham sect’ – brothers in Christ who were people of strong moral character, courage, wisdom and passion, who lived the life of Christ in public as they did in private. Author, John Pollock, said, “Wilberforce proved that a man can change his times, but he cannot do it alone.” [2]
Our students, who have a God‑given longing for relationship, often use the least human means, a device, to realise it. Deep friendship seems to be a rare treasure in our culture, where it has been reduced to data connection and relationships have been sexualised. True friendship was reflected in the relationship between King David and Saul’s son Jonathan, who said to David, “Go in peace, for we have a sworn friendship with each other in the name of the Lord.” (I Samuel 20: 16). The Word of God says Jonathan loved David as he loved himself. Each person needs a few companions to know and be known, someone who walks with them on their journey, with its joys and trials and someone who listens to their stories. The marks of true friendship are shared interests, shared trust and shared encouragement. Encouragement means to put courage into another and so a loyal friend is one who can speak the truth in love, even when it hurts, so that the other may grow. It is about forgiveness and willingness to be present through ‘thick and thin’.
Teachers need companions who will walk with them through the challenges of their vocation, for schools are passionate places where life is felt deeply by both students and parents. Do you have a friend/s who are committed to you – those whom you can trust, to walk with you and pray for you? Are you a friend to another person, someone who is trusted to share their journey? When we create spaces in our homes where strangers are welcomed and can become friends, we soon realise that the love between the family who live there is what makes the welcome possible. Hospitable classes where students are welcomed and belong flow from the expression of love between the hosts who are their teachers.
How then can we lead our classes to be places where the stories, habits and practices, reflect ‘love of neighbour’ and where true friendships are forged? Most friendships begin with a shared interest and so, as we encourage students to develop their gifts, they will tend to gravitate to those who have a shared interest in music, sport or hobbies such as chess and Lego. But more is needed. Structures need to be in place that will foster situations where all students are known well by a teacher and a group of students and trust can be nurtured. It is important for students, in age‑appropriate ways, to tell their stories. Having opportunities in their primary class or their secondary pastoral‑care group, for example, to tell their stories, and share their fears, anxieties and joys are really important. Some of the most special times that I experienced in schools were where students prayed for those who were experiencing a crisis. Looking for ways to express kindness means treating others as ‘kin’. To be kind is to reach out to someone as a kindred spirit. Here is the challenge to treat all students with dignity and respect no matter what their ethnicity or family situations and to ensure this is embodied in the classroom.
Sharing a common purpose nurtures friendships. When students participate in shared service and mission activities, they can experience the joy of working with friends who are different to them, but together they can make a difference in the lives of others. In an age when our students are seen by advertisers as consumers and where they can be readily cancelled as friends on social media platforms, Jesus says, “I no longer call you slaves, … I have called you friends, for everything I learned from my Father, I have made known to you.” (John 15: 15).
Let us embody in our school culture the marks of true friendship, that we might bestow upon our students a visible expression of this amazing gift.
“Greater love has no one than this, that he lay down his life for his friends.” (John 15: 13).
Grace & Peace
The Excellence Team
[1] Aristotle, No-one would Choose to Live without Friends: Nichomaclean Ethics Book VIII)
[2] Os Guinness, Entrepreneurs of Life – Faith and Venture of Purposeful Living, (Colorado Springs: Navpress, 2001), 90 – 91)