Care Conversations 6 – Humility helps us to see Grace and Discipline as Partners
So far, we have set out to show that discipline is inherently positive, arises from love and is enabled by grace. Sometimes it doesn’t seem that way to people on the receiving end of discipline.
I don’t know about you, but from time to time I’m not good at receiving criticism.
On some occasions, if I receive what I perceive to be a negative critique of something I have said or done, I do not immediately respond with gratitude and grace! Instead, I may question the motive of the person, or question their expertise in being able to make such a judgement.
The disciplining grace of God has taught me to be more thoughtful and maybe even a little more objective. My initial response still tends towards a “How dare you!” or a, “What do you know?” or a, “You have obviously misunderstood me!” Can you see what’s behind that reaction? Defensiveness, pride and an unwillingness to learn make the one who critiques become the one who is wrong; there is a lack of humility, even arrogance – they are not marks of righteousness.
The Lord’s grace often but not yet always, moves me to say “Thanks for your comment – let me think about it.” I remind myself that it actually takes courage to critique. Many people do not critique, but gossip to others instead. I assume that the purposes of the person are good and helpful and that they want me to reflect, learn and grow – that their intention is not malicious.
I need to value the person and their critique, and to then consider whether their questioning is part of God’s disciplining of my thinking and understanding. This process can often take me a day or two. I have learned not to rush.
I can then arrive at a position of realising that I was wrong and thanking the person for their courage and their thoughtfulness. Sometimes I realise that the critique is partially legitimate; I can respond to the person again with gratitude for their willingness to wrestle together for greater understanding. Sometimes I conclude that the critique is not valid, but the extra thinking has caused me to re-evaluate my ideas. Again, I can thank the person for their challenge which has helped my thought processes.
Can you see that if we adults welcome legitimate and respectful critique and discipline, we are showing to our young people that discipline is to be welcomed, appreciated and even loved?
Blessings,
Brian