Care Conversations 9 – More Poor Substitutes for Avoiding Discipline
We are continuing to look at some of the substitute actions, or inactions, that we might use instead of discipline. These are based on “Parenting Against the Tide”[1] by Ann Benton. We’ve considered the issues of providing excuses and ignoring situations.
- Over Organisation
This is the idea that through our management of classrooms and student groups, everything is so tightly organised that the possibility of wrong behaviour is almost eliminated. Good organisation is a great thing. However, this has the potential to encourage blame-shifting once more. If the child misbehaves it is your fault for not organising the circumstances so that it was impossible for them to misbehave.
One of the purposes of discipline is that our young people will develop understandings of right and wrong, recognise their need for gracious correction, become those people who respect and honour others. This is unlikely to happen if we keep them strait-jacketed.
- Over Consultation
Just how many times have you been irritated by parental questions to young children such as, “What would you like for lunch? Do you want to go to bed now? Would you like to clean your teeth? Would you like to get on the train now?”
Again, there is an appropriate place for negotiation of legitimate options, and as young people mature, negotiation can be helpful. However, it’s a wrong strategy when correct or incorrect behaviour is not optional.
- Bribery
Encouragement and affirmation of good choices and behaviour is good; bribery in order for the person to make those good choices is different. The danger becomes: “I will not make choices or behave well unless I am assured of a reward.” It makes right choices and behaviours optional and conditional.
These disciplinary substitutes are simply not effective long-term and may actually be harmful. They all make the child the central figure and force.
Can you recognise that there is an element of good in each of these substitutes, but also deficiencies?
Blessings,
Brian
[1] Benton A Parenting Against the Tide Evangelical Press UK 2014